Lily Luna Potter and the Case of the Broken Nose
by Macbeth Mouse
Summary: A freak Quidditch accident leaves Albus Severus Potter with a broken nose. How did this happen? Who is to blame? This sounds like a case for Detective Inspector Lily Luna Potter!


Albus would forever say that James was the culprit in the Case of the Broken Nose, and in turn, James would forever deny it. Really, it depends on who is telling the story for which answer you'll get. The only known fact is that they were playing Quidditch one August morning, and that Albus's nose was broken. To prevent bias, I'm the one that will tell the tale today.

Detective Inspector Lily Luna Potter, speaking! Or, well, I hope to be a detective one day. Not an Auror, mind you, because my dad was an Auror, and I am not my dad. I want to be a good old fashioned Muggle cop, complete with a gun and everything. My parents think it's too rough of a job for a fragile little girl like me, but come on! Mum fought in a war, for Merlin's sake! That's not a dainty job, and neither was her position on the Holly Head Harpies!

I digress.

To first find out what happened in this case, we must inspect the crime scene. I had already done so, and found a crudely made Quidditch pitch with three pretend balls, and one real Golden Snitch. I made a note of it so I could tell Daddy that the boys had stolen it from him. Also, I found what appeared to be a pool of fresh blood and a broken broomstick. Curiously, both Albus and Jim (That's James, for people who don't know his nickname), as well as their friends, had fled the scene as soon as I arrived. What did they have to hide, I wonder?

Next, we have to interview the witnesses. They were playing a full game of Quidditch, so I knew that there were 14 people involved, with two of those being Albus and Jim. Using my awesome deduction powers, I discovered that the other 12 people were, in no particular order, Ianto MacEwan, Penny and Andy Cypher, Scorpius, Charon and Corvus Malfoy, Lorcan and Lysander Scamander, Lucy, Rose, Louis and Fred Weasley, and Teddy Lupin. Well, it also didn't hurt that they were all over at the Burrow later on.

Hugo and I (Hugo is my cousin, best friend, and fellow cop!) interviewed Ianto first, since he's the one we knew we could trust. As soon as we got there, however, he was quite nervous, and that he had Louis with him. Deciding to kill two cats with one canary (Or whatever that Muggle metaphor is), we interviewed them both at the same time. This, however, was a fatal mistake, as they couldn't stop bickering the entire time.

Knowing that we wouldn't get any information out of those two, we moved on. Next on the list was Teddy Lupin! He's another one we knew we could trust. Anyway, we went up to him inquired about the case.

"Teddy," I said sweetly. Hugo thought we should do the good cop/bad cop routine, and I was given the role of the good cop. "Do you know what happened with the Quidditch match out there?" I fluttered my eyelashes repeatedly to seduce him.

"Erm…." He was obviously taken aghast at my overpowering beauty. The way he raised one eyebrow was _so _sexy that I knew he was flirting back. I hadn't the time for this child's play, though. I was on a case! "I, uhm‒"

"Shut up!" Hugo shouted, physically getting in between the two of them. "He doesn't know anything, Lily! He's so stupid he can't even remember that far back!"

Ooh. He was _good._

"Hey! That's an insult, Mister."

"Why, yes it is. Now, like I said before, shut up!" This time, Hugo hit Teddy with a nightstick I didn't know he had. It knocked Teddy out cold.

Oh. He was a little _too good._

We disposed of the body as quick as we could, then continued our interviews. We saw two of the three sets of twins were sitting around watching Nanny Molly's new telly. We turned it off and stood in front of them, trying to get their side of the story, but they just started throwing things at us! I can't believe the nerve of those boys! Especially Charon and Corvus; I thought they had been raised better than that.

With our third attempt to interview someone a failure, Hugo and I decided to bypass the interviewing part and go straight to the drawing board. We had photos from the crime scene placed up on a wall in Uncle Ronnie's old room as well as our hypothesises. It was only going to be a matter of time before we came up with something.

Unfortunately, we were interrupted.

"Darling… what are you doing?"

Mummy stood there looking at us in awe. She was amazed to see what great police work we had done, and was speechless.

"We're detectives, Mum! And you're disrupting our progress on this case!" Hugo nodded vigorously.

"Right. Well, then, I guess I won't keep you, but just so you know, we're taking the others to go get ice cream‒"

"Mum!"

"Going!"

It wasn't until I started writing up the report that I realised I had missed lovely, delicious ice cream.

But you aren't interested in hearing that, are you? No, you came here to find out what happened with Albus's broken nose. Well, I'm getting to that. All in due time, Watson.

As Hugo and I began to compile the evidence, we began to notice something strange. That strange thing was that none of kids in the Burrow were acting like themselves. I, being the genius that I was, came to the stunning conclusion that there was a conspiracy going on. An _alien_ conspiracy.

"Hugo," I said quickly, my hair blowing dramatically in the wind that was totally there the entire time even though we were inside. "I believe we're dealing with _Romulans._"

"Romulans, Lils? Like from that movie Star Trek? Surely, you can't be serious."

"I am serious. And don't call me Lils."

My cousin stood there and didn't move. He just gave me the oddest of looks. That's when I realised: aliens had taken over Hugo's body as well!

"Don't move!" I said, grabbing the nearest thing which was a gun (Not a pencil. Nooo why would I have any pencils around me?) and pointed it at him. "You aren't getting to me, alien scum!" Before the alien could respond, I kicked him square in the nuts and ran for it. You wouldn't believe how fast I was running! I was, like, faster than Flash!

I raced down the many sets of stairs and flew out the door where I promptly ran into Albus.

"Ow! Lils! I think you broke my nose _again_!" Again? I wondered.

"Again?" I asked.

"Yes, again!" Albus all but shouted. "It's your damn fault my nose got broken in the first place!"

It all came back to me right then and there.

_I was watching my brothers and their friends play Quidditch, even though I was supposedly looking for wherever Hugo had ran off to. I knew that he had gone off with his girlfriend, but I kept that information a secret. No one except Detective Inspector Potter could know that much information!_

_When suddenly, I noticed that the Snitch was close to the ground. Seeing my chance, I raced for it, and when I got there, picked it up gloriously in my hand._

_"Look, I caught it!" That was when Albus slammed right into me. It hurt a _lot_. Luckily, it was my head that he hit, so I wasn't too injured. Or so I thought._

"So I hit my head and that's why I can't remember anything?"

Albus nodded. "Yeah. If it wasn't for your stupidity, you'd have remembered that even though you invalidated the score of the game by catching the Snitch, I caught it, and therefore won the game."

In the background, Scorpius barked in laughter.

"Well then, I guess this means the cast is solved!" I said, and gave Albus a thumb up. He just stood there with a blank look while the credits rolled and my theme music blasted.


End file.
